Emotions
by voltagelisa
Summary: This story has been redone to include the oc and MoTb timeline. It about the emotions of one person through the story.


_A few people sent me a pm asking me to lengthen this to include the main storyline. I have tried to do this and included MoTB timeline as well. I also made the other changes that some have asked for, I thank everyone who sent a pm for their thoughts. I hope you enjoy the finished product. I've read through this a few times and I'm hoping there are no more mistakes._

_This is supose to have a monotone feel to it, since it's from Daeghun's point of view._

I stood on the door step, handing over the bundle in my arm to my friend. She the child, Ashara named by her mother lay sleeping after healing from the wound in her chest. A shard had taken her mother from her while protecting her, the same thing that had taken Esmerelle was lodged in her chest. The child had finally healed after a week when it should have taken longer.

The family I knew well, I knew she would be in a good home something that I knew I would never be able to give her. I went back to my house heart heavy from loss of my wife and best friend. Sleep eluded me for the longest time to afraid to go to sleep and see them there but there was no way to fight off nightmares of that night.

_Why did you do it?" My wife asked as she stood in front of me the hole still in her chest where the shard had passed through. "Do you blame one so young." She asked tearing out my heart with each word. Didn't she understand I wanted to die to be with her again? I stopped feeling when I seen the both of them laying there dead. My wife and my best friend hold her child with unseeing eyes._

_The child the one I was suppose to raise, I sent her to another family where I will not have to look at her everyday. She was a memory that I didn't want, yet here I dream every night the same thing I sent her away for. Both of them haunted my dreams making me remember._

"_I had to!" I yelled at empty air, she was gone just like in the waking world. They torment and torture me every time I knew I deserved it for what I had done. I should be raising her but I couldn't not now if ever._

_I knew what was coming next the mother of the child, "where were you, we needed you. The child needs and you turned your back. Why? Why did you abandon her?" she asked her voice breaking as my heart broke more. _

I woke to a cold sweat as usual since the attack, every night and day I have the same memory. The villagers stay away from me now they fear what they see in my eyes. I know this, what I once was, died that night friends I had. avoid me now. A shell nothing more of what I once was. They want me to live but you need a heart to do that and mine is dead.

I looked to the left where once there was always a warm body waiting for me, now it cold and barren as the world I made for myself, just as this house is. I go into the Mere the only solace where the wild does the speaking not the dreams. My only place to hide and keep my sanity from those dreams.

I see her as she plays with the children, a free spirited one she is, just as her mother was. With her brown silky hair and emerald green eyes she looked a lot like her mother bring memories fresh. She doesn't know me other than the one to avoid. I see her run to her foster father hugging him as he just returned from the city, he takes her inside. What emotions I have left allow me to be thankful for my choice. She has what I would never be able to give her.

Years pass and she grows, my night mares have abated but the memory are still fresh. I see her in the distance she's with a new generation now, sadness in her eyes as she looks around, I knew she lost a family member last night. The news was all over the village, yet here she stood looking out over the village with only sadness.

Once, a year later I let her see me, she was talking with one of the villagers. I had to know how she turned out, if I made the right decision all those years ago.

"Who are you?" she asks, I tell her my name, and there was no reaction from those eyes. She was never told who I was to my relief and despair. She looked at me with calm eyes waiting for me to say more, there was nothing else to say. She left after a moment heading for her house. I watched her for a moment before heading into the Mere, going to the graves telling them how she was doing. I knew it was useless but it was the only way for me to feel close to them.

Another year passes, I seen her head into the Mere. I followed at a distance, watching as she cut through the trees with ease. She stopped listened for a moment before continuing as a slower pace, she went to a clearing, my wife's favorite place. I couldn't watch I had to leave here there were too many memories here. "Why are you running?" she asked stopping me in my tracks. She should have known I was there. I turned to look at her through the trees; she was staring at me seeing me clearly. She didn't move from her place waiting for me to answer or make a decision if I was going to run or not.

I walked into the clearing feeling the memories press against me, "why are you sad." She asked shocking me to the soul; no one has been able to read me for the longest time. I had made sure that everyone got a cold stare. I looked at the child answering her question expecting pain but none came. "Everything dies at some point or another it is nature's way." She said before leaving me there feeling shocked to my bones.

Months pass I just come back late at night seeing her sit on her steps watching the night stars. I walked over why I don't know but I did. "Why are you out here," I asked her.

She turned her attention to me her eyes glowing in the night. "It's calming" she tells me with a smile. She says no more turning her attention back to the sky. I left her there thinking about what she had said, it calming. I looked up at the same sky she had found calming, and found it soothing.

A year passes I found her in the Mere fighting off a couple of lizardlings, she was out numbered. I killed them before she was harmed. "Thank you." She whispered when she seen me, I waited to lead her back to the village. She walked up to me placing a hand on my shoulder with a smile before disappearing towards the village. I felt something for a brief moment, with a mental shove pushing it back where it belonged. I followed at a distance making sure she stayed safe. At the edge of the village she turned towards me "you should start living again." She said walking away from me.

That night I slept on the cold ground in the Mere, the dream started again, _you were right in you decision. You shouldn't have raised her. Listen to her start living we will always be here._ This time I didn't wake up in a cold sweet like every other time.

More years passed I watched her on and off making sure she was safe. She looked so much like her mother, with her green eyes and long brown hair. I watched as she walked up to me as I was sitting on my step watching the night sky. She didn't say anything but sat with me in silence. After a while she got up to leave, "why?" I asked her.

She smiled at me saying "you looked like I needed it." I felt warmth that had been long dead enter me, I could feel my mouth form what might have been a smile in return.

I stayed in the village longer this time instead of running to the Mere; she was outside working in the garden. She looked up as I passed; I stopped for a moment waiting to see what she would say this time. Nothing came so I continued to walk. "You're to quiet." She said as I was leaving. I looked at her waiting for her to say more, she didn't.

I told her "I only talk if there is need." She gave a nod of understanding turning her attention back to the garden.

A year later I seen her walking with a boy, laughing at what he was saying, anger came out of nowhere making me hesitate shaking me to the core. I didn't understand where the anger had come from it scared me to have emotion of any kind. I watched as they disappeared from view, confused.

The next time I seen her she was coming my way while I worked on the house. She passed me the lumbar as I needed it, keeping silent. When I was finished I climbed down joining her as she sat on the fence. She didn't say anything looking down at her hand moments passed she got up and left. I watched as she departed feeling lost and confused watching her retreating back. I tried to remember what these feeling were about, but it had been too long, time had erased the memories of them.

A decade had passed every night she would sit with me or I would sit with her, no words were exchanged, but I had a sense of peace on those occasions. Years of coldness had settled over me, but for once a night when we sat in silence contentment would settle in, making me let my guard down for those moments. I watched on one of those occasions she seemed distant thinking of something. I waited to see if she would say anything, but nothing would come.

She came to me one night I thought she wasn't coming, but she stood in front of me, "I can't sit with you any more." She said as she leaned against the fence.

I asked her "why;" as emotions spiraled through me making uneasy.

"I am getting married," she told me. I asked if she loved the man she said no then told me if she waiting for love, then it would never come. Anger surged through me for the second time since I closed myself off, along with other emotions I had no name for. I felt overwhelmed that my eyes burned as I tried to make sense of it, closing my eyes searching for the cause, but I was lost. I felt her hand brush against my cheek coming away wet, I reached up to my cheek feeling a wetness that hadn't been there since her death.

She leaned down laying a light kiss on my forehead whispering "I'm sorry" before she left. I went into the house lying on my bed with emotions running through me making sleep foreign. I closed my eyes remembering a time when I was young, remembering when there had been life in me those many years ago. After a century of hiding she had brought life back into a desolate world. A world that I had made, she was breaking the walls down making me live without realizing it.

Months later I found her near a hay stack telling a boy no. I knew this was the boy she was to marry I had seen him on many occasions and the news of the impending wedding was gossip for the town. He wasn't listening, he pushed her back so she fell, anger surged through me that I shot an arrow at him without thought. I did hit him making sure that I missed on purpose; it made him stop as I hoped it would. She looked towards me coming over placing a hand on my arm gently lowering the bow. The boy looked at her in disgust yelling at her tell her the marriage was off before he stormed away. She turned to me with shining eyes that held tears asking me "why?" I searched her face looking for something. What I wasn't sure, but what ever I searched for, I found it. Warmth spread through me I told her why, "that she had brought life back." She walked up to me enveloping me a hug. I thought of my wife while she hugged me, this time there was no pain. I looked down at her finally finding peace. I hugged her back letting emotions come back to me. Emotions long dead.

I walked her back to her house where her family waited. They watched me leery, not sure what I would do. I was use to fear from people even from them. I left to sit at my house watching the sky, not long after she was walking towards me; she sat beside me leaning her head against my shoulder. After letting out a breath that shuddered through me, I wrapped an arm around her shoulders holding her close, resting my head against hers. We stayed like that until dawn showed, I didn't want her to go but she had too, her guardian was walking up to us. He said words I never thought to here again he asked if I loved her. I told him I didn't know. It was true I didn't know what that emotion was any more. She looked at me with understanding then kissed me on the cheek.

She left with her guardian I heard there words on the breeze, you make him live again her guardian said. I watched her walk away this time there was no sadness only contentment even though she was leaving for the short time.

The next night I was inside fletching arrows I had been running low and been ignoring the need of them for another need. I heard someone approach the door knocking softly. I opened the door to find her standing there with a smile that brought warmth it. I invited her in; she came in sitting at the fire holding out her hands warming from a cold evening. I wanted to stop and join her but this was too important, after a moment she got up. I thought she was leaving, but she didn't she came over to the table sitting down with me. "Can you teach me?" She asked. I showed her how; we sat there for hours fletching arrows in contented silence.

We sat by the fire with her resting her head against my shoulder, awhile later she fell asleep against me, I sat there peacefully watching her sleep contently. A knock on the door disturbed me, I called for them to come in. It was her guardian he looked at us I was expecting anger but there wasn't any. He asked if she could sleep here, he didn't want to wake her. I picked her up carrying her to the second bedroom with her guardian following close behind. He looked at me saying only two words that shook my world, marry her. If only it was so easy but I failed at my first marriage. He left me there to look down at the sleeping woman; I sat in a chair near her running a hand over her hair not wanting to stop touching her.

The next morning she came down stairs, she gave me a smile coming over to me giving me a light kiss on the cheek. I felt it all the through me, I wanted her, I've known this for awhile, but I also knew she didn't want me. Her companionship was more than enough. I didn't need anything else from her. She stayed awhile eating breakfast with me then taking her leave when she finished with the dishes.

Her guardian came by later that day asking if she was here, he told me she went into the Mere and hasn't come back he thought she came here. I took off at a run with my bow in hand, my heart pounding as I found her tracks. I followed them to the clearing where she was picking herbs. I stopped, watched her for a moment, and then entered the clearing when my heart stopped racing. She seen me giving me smile that made the fear disappear; I led her home in silence she took my hand walking with me to her house.

Her guardian was relieved to see her gathering her into a hug then setting her back down with a reprimand not to scare him like that again. He left us alone after a moment taking the herbs with him inside. She sat on the step looking up at me waiting; I took a seat next to her with a arm around her back as we sat there with people walking by.

Three weeks later there has been no sign of her in agitation I went to her home asking to see her. They told me she had been sick for a week with the fever. I went over to her placing a hand on her head feeling the heat emanate off her. My blood ran cold know she could die if the right herbs weren't found. I left the house telling them I would be back shortly. I ran into the Mere the where the wild elf's were living. I found an old friend, he was uneasy with me being there. I rushed on telling him what happened and that I needed herbs. A smile creased his face as he patted me on the back like old times. He went and got me the herbs I would need making the remedy. Instead he made the remedy for me. I took it with a bow leaving him there staring after me with his laughter on the air as I rushed away.

She was paler than she had been when I seen her a bit ago. I tilted her head making her drink the potion until there was none left. I sat with her for hours until her fever broke, dawn was just rising. I fallen a sleep during my vigil, after I knew she would be fine. I felt her fingers in my hair as I woke. She smiled at me, trying to sit up but I placed a hand on her shoulder gently pushing her back on the bed stopping her from moving. I told her she wasn't ready yet, that she had to wait and heal first.

Months later I made my way through the Mere heading for the wild elves I do this every year after the Harvest Festival where the human celebrate that one night that changed my world. What once was a peaceful Mere was full of agitation from the animals I knew something was going to happen tonight what I was sure but I knew the village would need me soon.

I found the wild elves, the felt the same as I that something was going to happen tonight, me and two others left to find out what was making us restless. We found it late into the night West Harbor was under attack and we just made in time. I caught sight of her fighting in the distance magic coming off her in waves as she took out bladelings that came near.

The fight didn't last long many died but she was alive tending to the wounded, I heard one of the villager's mentions what the bladelings were searching for and knew that _she _had to be the one to take care of this. I called her over to me her face wreathed in worry and fatigue as she neared. "You have to into the Mere to the old ruins, in the furthest room you will find a strong box with a shard in I need you to bring it back to me." I said as she watched me in confusion I had another boy go with her to keep her safe.

What seemed like hours later she entered the village with the boy in tow, I watched as she came over to me with the shard. I knew there was a lot that I needed to tell her so she would understand why I was sending her out of the village tonight but those words weren't easy to say. I told her of her mother's death and that she had to be the one who had to do this mission.

I left didn't tell her about the shard in her chest now about how her mother died or my late wife. She looked at me with sadness and betrayal that cut through me. I wanted to tell her more but it hurt too much for me to say the words. She left me there talking with the other villagers; she came back fatigue and wariness evident in her blue eyes. I sent her on her way to the city. That was the last time I seen her for a while.

About a year passed during that time I had been searching the Mere for answers of the changes that had been happening, druids, wild elves and animals have moved to safer areas away from the Mere. There was no answer to be had here but I knew to help her I had to keep searching.

She came back looking more mature and sure about herself, she had a few people with her watching her carefully that old emotion that had left when she left came back making agitated. She came over to me with determination in her stride not taking her eyes off of me I knew she had questions and I was going to answer them I owed her that much.

She had a lot of hard question all I answered until I heard that she almost died because one of the Githyanki tried to take the shard from her chest. My heart stopped a tightness clenched my chest making it hard to breath I told her of her mother and my wife leaving nothing out that happened that night.

I seen the emotions flowing over her face from sadness to understanding, she placed a hand on my shoulder thanking me for telling her as a tear made its way down my cheek. She thought it was from talking about my wife but it was from all that has happen to her. I watched her walk out of my life again as she went to find more answers the coldness came back as she disappeared.

Almost another year had passed and she never came back I had heard that she was running her own keep. The Mere was becoming more dangerous that the villagers were leaving though a lot stayed not wanting to leave the village. I was just coming back to get the rest of them when I found the village decimated not a living soul left. Darkness had settled over the area making it a graveyard that was haunted. I left the Mere to safer ground taking short trip in looking for anything to help her more now than ever.

I found druids hidden in the Mere I knew she would need to know this; I made my way to her keep. She was well loved there but she wasn't there when I arrived. I did the only thing I could to help her I put myself in her employ waiting for her arrival. She came back looking haggard and stressed, she seen me her eyes lighting up as she made her way to me. I had heard she believed me and others dead and that she had taken it hard not speaking with anyone.

"I'm glad you survived." She said with a smile on her face as she stood by me. Lightness came over me seeing her again the emptiness I had felt over the last while gone now that she was near. I greeted her wanting to sit with her away from everyone, but that was not to be there was more pressing matters. I told her of the druids I had found, the next day she left to find them while I stayed behind to help and worry of her being in the Mere.

Days she would be giving orders readying the keep for the battle that was to come at night her and I would sit under a tree saying nothing but enjoying each others company in silence. She would lean her head on my shoulder giving a sigh of relief as I would hold her close with a sense of peace.

Battle raged every where people dying around her as she and a few of her companions stood in the center of it fighting an avatar of the King of Shadows. Power surged around her as she used magic and sword to defeat the avatar I shot arrows at it trying to help anyway I could.

That night we sat under the tree in each others arms, the night before she was to leave and face the King of Shadow. My heart beat in fear knowing she may not be coming back. We didn't need to say anything we both knew this might be the last time we would ever sit together. We both went to the keep without a word she led me to her room.

"I have a secret to show you." She said as she grasped her stomach in pain, I went to take a step to her but she stopped me, "don't worry this is normal." She said confusing me more. She gave me a reassuring smile before shifting into a cat. I looked at her in wonder, she pounced around the room like a kitten, she came over to me sitting next to me. I rested a hand on her back as she sat staring into the fireplace. I felt movement under my hand, her fur receding as her shape got smaller, I watched as she turned into her human form naked as the day she was born. My breath caught at her beauty, she looked up at me with her blue eyes. She reached up caressing my cheek, making my heart race. I reached out to her pulling her close, needing her closeness. She kissed me on the lips lightly backing away when I didn't respond, I seen her emotions in eyes hurt and ashamed at being so forward. I gripped her on the chin forcing her to look at me. How do you tell someone that it had been too long and you're not sure of yourself? She had her eyes lowered; I brushed a kiss across her lips feeling her shiver at the contact.

I pulled her into my lap hold her close, in a whisper I told her my fear, and she smiled at me. Telling me not to worry she kissed me again this time demanding entrance I opened wanting all of her, everything she could give me. She ran her hands down my leathers looking for an opening but there wasn't one. She trailed her lip across my cheek to my ear that was where instinct took over. I took her mouth devouring her until she moaned I ran my hand down her body reveling in the feel of her skin as she quivered. I found the ties to my leather untying them for her lifting them off leaving me in slacks and a shirt.

She undid my shirt running her hands down my chest as I took her mouth again while my hands worshipped her body. She cried out when I found her, she came alive in my arms as I brought her to the brink of passion. My name on her lips as she flew apart in my arms. I stripped out of the rest of my clothes laying her back, against the furs watching her as she opened her arms to me.

We lay entwined know shortly she would be leaving, heart heavy as she got dressed readying herself for what was to come in the next little bit. She came over to me kissing me with all the pent up emotion that neither of said or admitted. I watched her walk out of my through a portal that took her to a place that could mean her death.

Hours I paced the courtyard awaiting any new the keep was agitated awaiting the news of the night captain everyone kept watch of the darkness waiting for it to recede. Then a call came out one that everyone waited for, "the darkness is receding." They yelled out making my heart beat faster as I raced up on the wall to see for myself. It was receding … they had won. I knew she was coming back that she was safe.

Months past and there was still no sight of her, I had searched the place where she had the final stand but it had caved in so there was no way to know for sure. I searched the Mere and woods for any sign of her but nothing turned up, after months of searching I went back to West Harbor to see they were rebuilding it once again. I didn't stay I went back to the keep in case she came back; I knew she was alive but I didn't know where she was.

I tossed and turned in my bed at the keep sleep always elusive since she disappeared, most of her companions made it back. They stayed here awaiting word of her too. Finally exhaustion took it hold tumbling me into dreamless sleep, I don't know how long I slept but warmth near me woke me. I looked down to find her curled up next to me that I thought I was dreaming. She opened her eyes smiling up at me as she burrowed closer closing her eyes with a sigh of contentment; I pulled her close as peace finally settled over me with her close once again.

I awoke her the next morning with caressing hand and searching lips that she returned once she was awake. Later that day she told me what happened how she had been in Rashemen, she told me how she lost her soul and was taken over by another to defeat a god. My heart froze when she told me that she had met Kelmevor and the wall of the faithless, how she had to fight to get her soul free from the wall.

Months later we went back to West Harbor where she was reunited with her foster parents, I rebuilt my house as she lived with them. Nights would find us sitting outside watching the stars as I told her about my past and she told me more of her adventures. If we weren't sitting together we were entwined with on another until we were exhausted and sated.

Months later she was sitting on her steps with her guardian, I was there to ask the one question I never thought I would asked ever again. She looked up as I approached; I went to her guardian asking him permission before asking her. He gave approval as she wrapped her arms around me smiling up at me. We were married on a cool autumn day with her companions, villagers and some of the wild elves to watch.

Now I sit here with a child sitting on my lap, cooing away as I hold her waiting for her mother to wake up after a sleepless night. I can feel her upstairs sleeping contentedly. The wind blows against the house bring the winter chill in. I sit there contented after twenty years of marriage. Our daughter yawns as sleep claims her, I look towards the stairs as she comes down her hair tousled my heart fills with warmth as she comes over kissing me lightly as her protruding belly brushes against me.


End file.
